Sometimes I’m just bored with myself. You can only read so many books in a row by the same author, and only read the same book so many times in a row; why should that change when the author in question is you?
Mark Taimanov was a chess grandmaster and a concert pianist; he once said “People ask me how I can do both things. It’s easy--I take a break from chess and play the piano, and then I take a break from the piano and play chess. I have the easiest life in the world! All I ever do is take breaks!” He was oversimplifying of course, but there’s a lot to that. He went where the energy and fun was.
There's so much to be said for following the energy... I feel like what sometimes gets a bad rep for being "distraction" is really just generative, curious energy finding its own flow. And I love/know what you mean about the idea of sometimes just being bored with yourself. That's usually when I have to push away from the desk and go for a walk.
Thank you for your insightful observations, Emily🙏 You 'hit the nail on the head' with "Bored is not an identity"💖 I was bored 'to death' in school. I stopped going after 1 week, so I'm a grade 1 dropout!🙃 I returned the following semester and drank the KoolAid filled with all the shoulds, which I think was the source of boredom that followed me in life. Now in elderhood I've ditched the shoulds! Having said this, I also know boredom is underrated. Boredom is a brewing pot for my soul to gestate, and in those moments, I rest in the cauldron of boredom to watch what bubbles up.....
Look forward to reading what bubbles up for you....
“Should” is a terrible word; not only does it make me do things that aren’t right, but it keeps me from accepting life as it is and enjoying what’s there to enjoy.
“Just” is another rotten word. Nobody is “just” doing anything.
Emily, I really want to leave a thoughtful, clear comment on what this piece has brought up for me. But the truth is, its already been a few days and I just know its going to take *at least* a few more weeks to fully process the absolute explosion of a confetti pop that is happening in my brain.
This is my third time revisiting this page and your words and the most coherent thing I have to say is, "wow. Wow. W O W... oh no" 🤣
This piece and your Thinking In Spreads piece have already given me so, so much to think about. In the best way. Thank you!!
This means a lot, Meaghan... I've been very touched by how this post and "Thinking in Spreads" seem to be landing with folks, especially since this post was a little off the cuff for me. And I love that image of confetti... thanks for sharing it and for reading!
Hahaha I love this so much. I bounce between poetry, essays, and podcasts. I keep telling myself I do all this for fun, so all that matters to me is that I put something out. This makes me feel much better about putting my podcast aside for a season 👌🏼
Oh, I feel this right now... I'm doing a similar bouncing around between essays, this Substack, and some rough zine ideas at the moment. I've been trying to play with making the loop a little shorter from the initial idea to releasing something, and noticing how it feels to do that in different forms (or like you say, in different seasons).
Hahah yeah poetry has my back for a short loop and a podcast interview episode is probably the longest. I had to reign my schedule in a bit, so the podcast got cut. But a short loop with poetry is helpful when essays are tricky.
Oh my, have you been spying on me? First book of poetry in 2017. Lost poetry 2 years ago. I say lost because it was (is?) central to my identity. Fretted for far too long before discovering the joys of prose. Thanks for sharing that part of your story--well, all of it--because it’s given me excellent food for thought (also with the boredom) and inspiration, too!
I love how prose is always just lurking as another home for the poets who get bored or lost or tired along the way... I wonder if folks who start with prose feel the same about poetry? These days I feel like prose/narrative/essay-constellating is ending up as my true home, with poetry showing up in between the sentences.
I keep wondering: am I a prose writer in a poet's body or the other way around? ;-) My experience may not be representative, but prose writers often seem to view poetry as a foreign language. Prose as a new home: I think I'll unpack some boxes now...
Two thoughts this inspires:
Sometimes I’m just bored with myself. You can only read so many books in a row by the same author, and only read the same book so many times in a row; why should that change when the author in question is you?
Mark Taimanov was a chess grandmaster and a concert pianist; he once said “People ask me how I can do both things. It’s easy--I take a break from chess and play the piano, and then I take a break from the piano and play chess. I have the easiest life in the world! All I ever do is take breaks!” He was oversimplifying of course, but there’s a lot to that. He went where the energy and fun was.
There's so much to be said for following the energy... I feel like what sometimes gets a bad rep for being "distraction" is really just generative, curious energy finding its own flow. And I love/know what you mean about the idea of sometimes just being bored with yourself. That's usually when I have to push away from the desk and go for a walk.
Thank you for your insightful observations, Emily🙏 You 'hit the nail on the head' with "Bored is not an identity"💖 I was bored 'to death' in school. I stopped going after 1 week, so I'm a grade 1 dropout!🙃 I returned the following semester and drank the KoolAid filled with all the shoulds, which I think was the source of boredom that followed me in life. Now in elderhood I've ditched the shoulds! Having said this, I also know boredom is underrated. Boredom is a brewing pot for my soul to gestate, and in those moments, I rest in the cauldron of boredom to watch what bubbles up.....
Look forward to reading what bubbles up for you....
Yes to boredom being underrated, and to choosing it as a possibility... here's to the bubbling 💛
“Should” is a terrible word; not only does it make me do things that aren’t right, but it keeps me from accepting life as it is and enjoying what’s there to enjoy.
“Just” is another rotten word. Nobody is “just” doing anything.
Emily, I really want to leave a thoughtful, clear comment on what this piece has brought up for me. But the truth is, its already been a few days and I just know its going to take *at least* a few more weeks to fully process the absolute explosion of a confetti pop that is happening in my brain.
This is my third time revisiting this page and your words and the most coherent thing I have to say is, "wow. Wow. W O W... oh no" 🤣
This piece and your Thinking In Spreads piece have already given me so, so much to think about. In the best way. Thank you!!
This means a lot, Meaghan... I've been very touched by how this post and "Thinking in Spreads" seem to be landing with folks, especially since this post was a little off the cuff for me. And I love that image of confetti... thanks for sharing it and for reading!
Hahaha I love this so much. I bounce between poetry, essays, and podcasts. I keep telling myself I do all this for fun, so all that matters to me is that I put something out. This makes me feel much better about putting my podcast aside for a season 👌🏼
Oh, I feel this right now... I'm doing a similar bouncing around between essays, this Substack, and some rough zine ideas at the moment. I've been trying to play with making the loop a little shorter from the initial idea to releasing something, and noticing how it feels to do that in different forms (or like you say, in different seasons).
Hahah yeah poetry has my back for a short loop and a podcast interview episode is probably the longest. I had to reign my schedule in a bit, so the podcast got cut. But a short loop with poetry is helpful when essays are tricky.
Oh my, have you been spying on me? First book of poetry in 2017. Lost poetry 2 years ago. I say lost because it was (is?) central to my identity. Fretted for far too long before discovering the joys of prose. Thanks for sharing that part of your story--well, all of it--because it’s given me excellent food for thought (also with the boredom) and inspiration, too!
I love how prose is always just lurking as another home for the poets who get bored or lost or tired along the way... I wonder if folks who start with prose feel the same about poetry? These days I feel like prose/narrative/essay-constellating is ending up as my true home, with poetry showing up in between the sentences.
I keep wondering: am I a prose writer in a poet's body or the other way around? ;-) My experience may not be representative, but prose writers often seem to view poetry as a foreign language. Prose as a new home: I think I'll unpack some boxes now...